1.You are angry that you are getting fatter?
When you were busy shouting “THIS IS MY
YEAR OF EXPANSION!!”
You didn’t know abi??.
2. A girl born near a door is called Doris
They won’t teach you this in school, so tell
me “Thank you!”
3. # LADIES !, When dating a handsome guy,
you have to comment on his pics like “Baby
where did you put the charger ?”
Just to mark your territory.
4. Somewhere in Nigeria, a girl is smelling
her bra to see if she can still wear it after
# IbadanGirlsEhn ….
Aunty well done!
5. Nowadays, side chicks have no respect
and fear… They even send regards to the
wife and kids
6. Dad : I noticed you now call me “Dad”
instead of “Papa”…
Daughter : That’s because calling you “Papa”
spoils my lipstick
7. Lady 1 : My husband swallowed
paracetamol by mistake, what do I do ?
Lady 2 : Give him headache na… Why waste
the medicine?? # Women_Ehn ??
8. While struggling to find a partner, another
person is in 3 different stable relationships!!
Some people are gifted, I swear!
9. Satisfying a woman is not easy! You will
go and rob a bank and she will ask you why
you robbed Diamond bank instead of Zenith
10. Give a girl 500k or iPhone 8, her mother
or father won’t ask her where she got it
But if you give her ordinary belle, just small
belle o, her father, mother, brothers, uncles
and aunties, witches and even her ancestors
will come looking for you… Is this fair?
11. I look at some people sometimes and
ask myself “Who dey kiss this one sef?”
12. A girl asked me if Liverpool is a series. I
asked her why & she replied “Cos their fans
are always waiting for next season”
13. Have you ever looked so good, that you
don’t want to go home yet, because enough
people haven’t seen you??
14. If you don’t wanna visit him, then tell
him straight forward. Which one is “I don’t
know if I can come again oooo, my father is
angry with my mother ”
15. I saw a guy today drinking beer at 6:30
I asked him: “Isn’t it too early for you to be
He replied: “Ooh really, at what time do
I just walked away
Now minding my own business
16. WEDDING NIGHT CONFESSION:
Husband: Sorry, I slept with a lot of
Wife: I said it!!! Your face looks familiar.
17. On my wedding day, I will call names
when sharing rice. If you don’t hear your
name, you will have to tell us who invited
18. You will never see African parents
kissing, hugging or in any form of
romance… But Boom! 11 children… How
19. 40 different pictures, one cloth .
Bros, no vex o, you be merlin?
20. I was just wondering why the GROOM
sits on the RIGHT and the BRIDE on the LEFT…
I just remembered my basic ACCOUNTING
INCOME is on the right and EXPENSES is on
21. Gone are the days when we break up
and delete our numbers… Now, we will just
be observing ourselves on whatsapp and
Facebook status to see who is surviving..
22. People that were owing Lazarus, I
wonder how they felt when Jesus woke him
up from death…
23. That moment when you look horrible in
a group photo and the person who looks
good refuses to delete it.
To my future kids:
I’m not the one delaying you guys from
coming into this beautiful world, Its your
mum who is still busy dating other people’s
husband and giving them your milk. I hope
they don’t finish our milk.
25. Some Girls are really poor in romance.
You hit her with a pillow, Boom! She’s
chasing you with a knife
26. One thing I’ve discovered is that as you
grow older, you begin to steal meat from
your Mother’s pot with more Confidence.
27. Nobody keeps secret like a Nigerian
travelling abroad for the first time.
The fear of Village people is d Beginning of
28. Whether na dem dey rush you,or na you
dey rush dem, don’t rush into someone’s
relationship or marriage else dem go rush
you go hospital
29. Facebook should try showing us people
you may avoid* not only people you may
30. If every mother is the Best Mum in the
world, then whose mother goes around at
night bewitching people and pressing
# I_Wonder_Ooooo …
31. Shout out to those people that change
the water in garri 2 times before taking it,
hope you wash the one you use in making
32. Continue doing “Fat is Bae”
Don’t go and lose weight…
Until they use bangles to propose to you
If none of these made you smile, you have a problem